On The Couch with Sticky Q’s Transcript

[00:00:00] Jen Farinella: Hello, and welcome to an episode of On The Couch, where we collaborate with experts, practitioners, authors, advocates, and influencers to explore current social themes, sex positive topics, and share stories and insights that matter. This podcast was recorded on Aboriginal country. We Acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands that were never seeded on which we live, work, and record upon.

We pay our respects to elders past and present, and to those who may be visiting our website or listening to our podcasts. Today while listening, we encourage you to practice good self-care. Check the show notes for content, details, and references. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, enjoy this episode of On The Couch.

[00:00:52] Winnie Adamson: Welcome to another episode of On The Couch. I'm Winnie Adamson and I am here with my co-host and friend, Maddy Stratten,

[00:00:58] Maddy Stratten: Hello.

[00:01:00] Winnie Adamson: We are joined today by Adie and Tom from Sticky Q's Podcast. So welcome.

[00:01:07] Maddy Stratten: So welcome Adie and Tom to On The Couch. We are really looking forward to getting into, um, our chats today about the work that you both do with Sticky Q's podcast discussing sex, relationships, and consent.

So, um, to settle us in this space today, we'd love to get started with , both of you sharing a little bit of your story using the concepts of fields of existence and, coordinates of belonging. It's a really meaningful way to set the scene for today's conversation. So these concepts were introduced to us by, Leah from Co-Culture Communications, and they demonstrate that our beings are a field of activity made up of stories that we've been told our ancestors that have existed.

The lands under our feet and the places that we stand today. And that all of these forces form who we are in this moment as contextual beings. So we'd love to get started with your stories, Tom and Adie I'll start with you, Tom. Can you share how you define yourself and locate yourself and what are your coordinates of belonging?

[00:02:13] Tom Duff: Hello. And thank you for the introduction. Uh, this was a new concept to me, but I really enjoyed learning about it and it has definitely helped me to kind of, uh, give honor to some of these like parts of my story. So originally from the far northeast of Tasmania, so right up in the bush, um, it made me realize that community and like playing in the bush and collaboration is, is a really important part of who I understand myself to be.

Um, and that sense of creativity and chasing. Uh the kind of golden thread of a good idea with a group of friends out in the bush that just, I love that and I still seek that out today, or variations of that. Um, I'm from a very big family, um, with kind of very old school conservative religious upbringings.

Um, so moving, well growing up in that and then moving out of that into the work that I do today has been a really interesting, uh, kind of discovery of myself. Um, I've always loved big adventures growing up in the country and in the bush that was a massive part of it, getting on horses, motorbikes, going down to the river.

So I loved being out in nature. Um, I really love the way that we do our Acknowledgement of countries when we do our lessons. Um, I really am able to draw on that, which is something I feel quite proud of being able to do. Um, yeah, I would say those are probably the, the big coordinates that I'm wanting to share today and that I'm quite proud of.

[00:03:47] Winnie Adamson: Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. Um, Adie we would love to hear from you how you locate yourself and your coordinates of belonging.

[00:03:56] Adie: Hello. Thank you also for the introduction and for this invitation to share through this format. Um, I also really enjoyed learning about it. It's really lovely. Um, I use she her pronouns and I live on Muckity country, which is also where I grew up.

So I've kind of come full circle, um, from where I started, grew up on, yeah, this land not knowing or not understanding that it was stolen and colonized. So that, um, I think really, um. Yeah, I really examined that belonging to place over my life, having grown up here. And then I lived, um, throughout Europe for about a decade and just discovered a connection to my Celtic ancestry in a way that, um, I had not been able to connect as a white Australian, I guess, to the land that I grew up on.

Um, so yeah, going back a few generations, there's Welsh, there's Irish there, and bringing those experiences back when I moved back to Muckity country and realizing and deeply understanding the history of colonization here, forms part of how I moved through the world today. Still figuring it out still trying to come to reconciliation in my way with the Tasmanian Aboriginal community, which is hard.

Um, circus forms a big part of who I am. That's something that I grew up doing, um, and did for most of my professional career. Yeah. Being a trapeze artist, touring Europe, showing people that it's possible to fly.

Mm. Um. Then bringing that back here to Lutruwita Tasmania and sharing that with the community and building a community, and then learning about myself and boundaries through that community and wrapping that up and then using circus as a tool for social change with at risk and disadvantaged youth, um, as well as everybody else in the world, was sort of my pathway and my transition into working at the Sexual Assault Support Service where, um, I was one of the first members of the primary prevention team.

So I've been at SASS for about eight years now and developing programs and constantly thinking about consent and how it manifests in my life and how I show that and role model that and teach that. Um, and yeah, connecting all the dots of, of that with circus, with relationships, um, connecting with the TED community.

I was chosen to do a TED Talk in 2020 and that connected me with a whole bunch of other big thinkers, um, that consistently provide me with inspiration to think about these concepts up outside the box. And I really, really love working with young people and kids. I have loads of kids in my life that we just hang out and play.

And that's also something that I think forms a big part of who I am is play. And it's part of a big part of the connection I have with Tom, I would say as we both really enjoy stupidity and play, um, and look to inject that wherever. Yeah. Yeah. Not taking things too seriously I think is, is a big strength that we have, and that is my answer to the question.

[00:07:49] Maddy Stratten: So good. Thank you so much. I, I really love, like Winnie and I talk about this all the time, replacing the more traditional bio with this concept of coordinates of longing and fields of existence, because that's when you learn more about your guests and I really see that element of play both with circus and then like in the bush and really connected in that way and being really creative and I guess innovative to think about things differently, which may have led into, you know, embarking on the Sticky Q's podcast together.

I'm just gonna piece some things together there. I don't know, but I have a feeling like that may have been the connection and I think, you know, for Winnie and I and for the Caddyshack team, it's a really similar story for us and, and how things evolve and being a little bit brave and a being a little bit, you know, quirky and interesting and being like, you know what, let's just do a podcast.

We could do a podcast like, let's just do it. So thank you so much for sharing that with us. Uh, Caddyshack Project is fairly new to the podcasting world, but we've really embraced everything that it has to offer as an educational tool. Last year we had a wonderful public health student from the University of Wollongong who did a project with us examining, uh, sexual health podcast production, promotion and engagement strategies in a comparative analysis.

So our student Jade Scott did a fantastic job pulling all of this together. Uh, Winnie and I actually sat down with Jade last year in the studio and recorded an episode about her project. So if you haven't listened to that, jump back in and listen to that one. One of the podcasts in the comparative analysis was actually the podcast Sticky Q's which we'll get into in a moment.

But first we wanted to chat more broadly about podcasts as a key method of communicating sexual health information. Our first On The Couch episode in 2025 was with Kath Albury, and we spoke about digital capabilities of the workforce, including the use of AI and innovative health promotion strategies such as podcasts.

So, again, encourage you to go back and have a listen to that episode. We wanted to start off with a few, um, numbers because we all know that projects need to be evidence-based. So I'll just read out a couple of numbers in front of me. Uh, in 2023, a study by Keegan and their colleagues found that 12 to 34 year olds comprise half of all podcast listeners with 75% listening to learn something new and 67% preferring podcasts over books as a learning source.

This is massive. These numbers, when we first. Um, heard them really, um, I think, resonated for us. And as this is the reason of why we're doing what we're doing in this audio digital space, podcasts are continuing to grow in use as an educational tool, presenting this medium as a crucial opportunity to promote sexual health education.

I'm gonna hand over to you, Tom and Adie whoever wants to start first. But can you share, um, with our listeners some of your thoughts around the benefits and maybe some of the challenges that you have found in podcasting as an educational tool?

[00:11:13] Tom Duff: Adie I reckon your well positioned to take this one.

[00:11:17] Adie: Thanks, pal. Uh, yeah. Okay. So the benefits, I listen to a lot of podcasts. Mm-hmm. You know, I hold those parasocial relationships in my head and I really wanted to make a podcast, I think, and it wasn't a hard sell for SASS to take it on as a project, I guess because of some of those stats. You know, I did my own sort of pitch when I was wanting to start the podcast and able to show like people do listen to podcasts.

It's a really effective way of reaching people. And we had a gap in our education program, which was reaching parents, like we go into schools with our schools program. And we deliver student sessions. We do a mandatory staff session before we do that. And we always offered an optional parent session.

Like you can't mandate parents to come to something at the school. So we would always, always offer that to parents and just had so little uptake. People would rarely show up. Um, and sometimes you would get one or two, and like at the occasional private school you would get a bunch of parents. But like, I think before we started the podcast, I would, I'd done like, must have been at least a hundred sessions and I reckon I'd spoken to a total of 20 parents over like five years or something. It was just really hard to access that demographic and it's such an important demographic for the work that we're doing. Like sexual harm prevention is a whole of community approach and parents and caregivers are a huge part of young people's lives.

The biggest part, arguably. And if they are not engaging with this stuff, then I felt, what's the point in me doing all the rest of this? So I was in my mid thirties listening to podcasts thinking, how can we engage parents? Loads of people around me are having kids, they're doing school drop offs. What are they listening to in the car on the way there, on the way back.

Um, so that was kind of, kind of my pitch is like podcasts, people can listen to it in their own time. Under 30 minute episodes you can duck in, duck out. It could actually destigmatize the way that we talk to young people about sex consent and relationships. 'cause that's something that Tom and I are doing day in and day out.

And it is something that is a learned and a practiced skill so we could show that to people. Um, so yeah, I think it has been a big benefit. Tom's had way more in the wild moments of, um, feedback on the podcast and people recognizing his voice and stuff, which I'm jealous of I want some of those moments.

But I think, um, I mean, looking at the number of listens that we've had, we're definitely reaching more parents and caregivers than we had previously. I guess in terms of challenges, it's way, way, way more work than I thought it was gonna be. Producing a podcast, I've produced stuff in the past, I've produced shows, I've produced programs.

But producing a podcast is a lot, it's a lot of work, especially when we started doing some interviews and things like coordinating all of that. It's fun and I like it, but it does take up a lot of time and that, that time is, is money, you know, like we have to pay for my time to do that. And Tom's time and, uh, while it absolutely is an a, a labor of love, um, yeah, it's not cheap to produce. And because it's a free resource, like that's just a cost and it's, it's something that is, um, part of our prevention strategy at SASS where we work. So it's, it's fine. Um, but yeah, figuring out where that funding comes from to make sure that we're putting out a quality product that is, you know, evidence-based and accessible and all of those things takes, takes time and money.

[00:15:26] Maddy Stratten: Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds like it's, it's so worth it to be able to reach that audience that you weren't reaching before too.

[00:15:36] Adie: Yeah, I really think so. Is there anything you wanna add to that, Tom? Um,

[00:15:41] Tom Duff: I was just reflecting on some of those stats there around, uh, 60, 67% preferring podcasts over books as a learning source.

I think so much of the value that our sessions in schools bring is the rapport and the safety built through conversation. And I don't know about other people, but I know for myself, what helps me feel safe and comfortable that I have learn something or that I understand an issue is to hear people discussing it.

I think my brain always assumes there's nuances that I can't quite get from a book. Um, and when I hear conversation happening, I feel like those nuances are discussed. And like Adie was saying, the parasocial relationship, you do come to know people and that builds trust. Um, and I, I think that's just a really, to have it in such a bite-sized, uh, format for parents and caregivers, it's such a critical way of de-stigmatizing the topic of making them feel comfortable of addressing some of those nuances.

And the what about X, y, z situation. Um, and the feedback that we've gotten has been that. The parents and caregivers and adults really love it. It helps give them relief around broaching this topic. So yeah, I think it's, it's proud of it.

[00:16:58] Adie: We are figuring it out as well. Like we don't have all of the answers.

And I, I guess that was also part of the inspiration for starting it was that Tom and I and the rest of the team were having these so great conversations in the office and I was just thinking like, everyone should hear this and be part of this and know that like there is so much to think about and the way that we're thinking about it and talking about it is like that in itself is valuable.

[00:17:24] Maddy Stratten: Yeah, it's that narrative component of it, isn't it? Like listening to that conversation and breaking it down further and further and reflecting on and questioning your own biases in some of those conversations too.

[00:17:38] Winnie Adamson: Definitely. We've had chats in the office and gone, oh, if only people were listening to this,

[00:17:43] Maddy Stratten: yeah.

[00:17:44] Tom Duff: Save it for the podcast that gets thrown around a lot

[00:17:47] Winnie Adamson: Yes. yeah, so you've obviously mentioned you're both the hosts of the Sticky Q's Podcast. Where you answer anonymous questions, written on sticky notes from real life consent education classes. And you run the podcast through Tasmania Sexual Assault Support Services or SASS for short.

And you cover topics like sex, relationships, consent, and even more in between that, which we'll get to talking about a bit later. And as you said, you're reaching, parents, caregivers, educators.

But we wanna talk a bit about how it actually started. Can you tell us about what led to the start of the podcast and the work with SASS and where did the idea come from with sticky notes and anonymous questions?

[00:18:28] Adie: The sticky notes started, um, from my mentor who was Peter Baldwin, and he was the only educator at SASS when I was employed, and they just had enough demand for training that they needed another person, so into Adie Um, and, uh, Peter knew that like an, an opportunity to ask questions anonymously was super valuable in this space.

And in order to make it truly anonymous, um, he just developed this system of, um, handing out little post-it notes and making sure every single person in the class got a post-it note and wrote something on it. So even if there were no questions. We got all of the Post-it notes. And so if there was a kid in there who had a question, they didn't feel like they were the only one writing.

And I think lots of health teachers I've heard have done like the question box and it's just sat there in the class. So if they ever wanna put a question in, they can. But the problem with that is like, other students are gonna see them do that and know whose question it was. So like, I think it, it was like very simple, but very clever.

Give everyone a post-it note, make everyone write something on it. Um, even if it's just thanks or I don't have a question. Um, and then, yeah, just got really good questions outta that. And then holding those questions in your hand and seeing the young person's handwriting, um, and just the honesty and the vulnerability that came through this is really impactful.

And so I was looking at those early on and going, I wish adults knew. I wish other grownups knew what kids actually wanna know. Because when I started in this work eight years ago, it was just after Safe Schools had happened in Victoria and there was a bit of backlash from that. And then like, it wasn't a very, um, safe space to be talking about sex in schools.

There was, um, yeah, still some mainstream, strong conservative values. Um, people were still coming around to the idea, that comprehensive education as a tool for prevention is very effective. So, um, we had to be very careful about what we were saying in schools because grownups thought that we shouldn't be saying certain things.

Whereas I was seeing all of these questions about things that I hadn't even raised in a class that kids were talking about. And it just made me realize like, they are ready for this stuff. They're hearing it from other places. So wouldn't we rather be the educators, people that actually know and can set the record straight in, in a safe way?

So yeah, I was looking at the sticky notes and thinking other grownups should see these, they should know like this is why comprehensive sex education is needed and works. Um, so from there, yeah, I wanted to, um, make them visible. So I thought about an Instagram account so that you could see the handwriting and see the question.

And then as an educational tool, I would answer the questions so people could see how we answered it to a class. Um. And so that was, it was kind of tricky to think ethically about how we did that because the setup of the anonymous questions is, it's an atmosphere of trust. You know, we're, we're telling kids this is anonymous.

Um, so can we then just go and show the world? So eventually trial and error came round to, we have a passive permission process now where we say, when we hand out the post-it notes, if you don't mind us sharing your anonymous question publicly, put a little tick on the back. And if you don't want that to happen, you just want us to answer the question, leave it blank, put across whatever, um, we will just answer it for the class and that'll be the end of it.

So now we have a huge amount of sticky notes with ticks on the back so kids understand that while their question is anonymous, it might appear in public. Um, and yeah, we've used a lot of those questions on the Instagram account. And yeah, more recently on the podcast, I've talked long enough that I forgot where I started with this whole thing.

[00:22:52] Winnie Adamson: It's a great system. And I mean the podcast parents and caregivers are getting like a real life look into what's actually happening. And with that, I was just thinking of like, it's like it's young people led and like peer led so

[00:23:05] Adie: it's really, yeah, it's super validating when you answer questions in class. Um, we, we do it twice, so we do it, we have three classes. We do it in the first class, answer them in second, do it again in the second, answer them in the third, and the second round of questions is often more.

Is often more. Do you wanna talk more about that, Tom?

[00:23:26] Tom Duff: Yeah. Uh, harking back to what I was saying before about that rapport building, it is such a critical function of rapport building for these students. Um, you know, with us coming into the classroom, they often think it's, think that it's sex education. So we have to dispel that myth initially.

And talking about sex and intimacy consent is confusing, it's confronting, it makes them uncomfortable often. So do then offer them this opportunity to ask the questions that they wanna ask. To answer them honestly and comfortably and openly. It just sets this tone of your experience is valid. Our response to your experience is going to be thoughtful and caring and safe and respectful.

Uh, it's an invitation to do the same back and I know 80 would, uh, have had the same experience, but often with classes that are completely, uh, unwilling to engage initially by probably two rounds of these anonymous questions or these sticky q's are really keen to engage, um, because they do feel that they are being respected and spoken to about issues that they care about on their level.

[00:24:37] Maddy Stratten: It's so interesting to hear about this inception and I think also interesting to hear about a project that moves beyond just physical or just digital, it is both. And. Actually this is a really good example of how a blend can happen and, and be, meaningful and and effective, um, in multiple ways. So thanks for sharing that.

I do, um, think we should move on now to talking about, young people and sex.

Can you, chat more about the themes and topics of these questions. So, if you were to put, the questions from sticky cues into categories, what would they be? So I'm thinking we've got episodes answering questions about sex, such as what is sex?

We've got questions around porn such as, how can we figure out the rights and wrongs in porn? But you also have episodes, um, about navigating, dating relationships, consent, sexual assault, even an episode about online influences in this space. You know, problematic names like Andrew Tate. How do you decide what questions you receive in the classroom get a sticky cue episode? Can you talk us through the process of categorizing these topics and themes? To make an episode.

[00:25:54] Tom Duff: Yeah. The, the question of categorizing this is something that we've actually just gone through, I think two iterations of categorizing so far, um, because they are such a powerful insight into what the student body and that age demographic are talking about dealing with.

Um, so some of the categories that we, um, put these under are things like the consent continuum, which I think might come up as a conversation point, but essentially the spectrum of, um, sexual intimacy from fully consenting wonderful experiences, um, through to the unsafe side of it through, um, pressure coercion and force.

So the consent continuum, cultural questions, that's things like stereotypes, public fi figures, the news, colloquial terms, pornography, body, sex and puberty. Um, so more of those mechanics of sexual intimacy. Um, and then educators, so we do get questions about us, um, which yeah, sometimes we answer, sometimes we don't.

It's always dependent on whether it's relevant. Um, we don't, don't solicit them. No. We, um, get quite a bit of feedback. So I had one the other day that was just a sticky note that said, you are fired. And I was like, great, I'll take that as feedback. Um, take it to my boss. I don't think you have the authority to say that, but whatever.

Um, and then lots of legal ethical questions. Um, I think one of the challenges that young people face in our sessions is understanding that what we're describing, explaining and teaching is a, as Adie said before, it's a learned skillset. It's not a yes no black, white. Um, there are elements that need to be really clear and are a definite, don't do this.

Um, but often they're trying to. Get us to answer a definitive, can I do this? Can I do that? Um, and we're having to kind of nuance that and say, look, there are hard and fasts within the law, but where and how you engage with each other in intimacy is a much more nuanced fluid experience. Um, and we're hoping to build that skillset, how we get lots of questions around personal safety relationships.

Um, and then, uh, we do receive, um, disclosures through our anonymous questions, um, fairly regularly. Again, it's a space where students can talk about this stuff without a lot of the consequences or ramifications that they're scared of. Um, and so we'll get young people asking about assault for abuse and how they can get help or does it count or who should they talk to, what should they do?

Um, and I can't remember the second question, but those are the categories. Adie over you. Mate

[00:28:32] Adie: This is how we roll. Tom and I will go off on a rant and then be like, I forgot where I was going with that handful.

[00:28:39] Maddy Stratten: Sounds very familiar. Winnie.

[00:28:42] Adie: Yeah. Uh, I think the other part of the question was how do we decide what becomes an episode?

[00:28:49] Maddy Stratten: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:50] Adie: Um, uh, it can be that we get a question like, obviously we've answered hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, probably thousands of questions by this point. And yeah, they often fall into very similar sort of categories, but occasionally we'll get one. Um, one recently that did get an episode last season was, is School Safe?

I hadn't been asked that before. It came out of a primary school. And yeah, sometimes we get a question like that where I'm like, wow, I've actually never been asked that in that way before, and I don't know how to answer it off the top of my head. Like, I need to think about it and go and have a chat to some clinicians and yeah.

Um, so that was a really tricky question to answer. And so sometimes it comes from the question. Other times we wanna cover off and put some information out into the world about the content that we're teaching. Um, like a concept that we teach in the high school program, for example. Um, might be like practicing consent.

Like how do, what words do you use to give, receive, seek, deny consent? So we might wanna cover that in an episode to sort of give parents and caregivers the nutshell overview of how we introduce this topic. So we will find a question that will allow us to talk about that. Um. That, that's pretty much how we do it.

I think

[00:30:23] Tom Duff: Getting a good spread of questions, making sure that we're covering topics that are relevant, that are interesting, um, making sure that we're not doubling up on kind of very similar themes or, or ways of a question being asked. Sometimes there are nuances within kind of the same question. We're like, oh, we could go down this pathway or that one and we pick one, and then maybe next season we have a similar question, but go down the other avenue that we've been discussing, um, just because it's all relevant and important, but we've only got 20 minutes to make an episode.

So,

[00:30:54] Adie: yeah. And also like a lot of questions have really short answers and they're like really straightforward. So we don't need to do a deep dive necessarily on where that questions come from or things to think about. So yeah, sometimes questions are, are just the ones that we find we. Depending on the context, there could be a different answer.

Those kind of questions.

[00:31:20] Winnie Adamson: Yeah, it's so, it's really interesting to hear. I, it's, there's so much nuance. As well, I imagine, and tackling the questions.

[00:31:29] Adie: Um, and it's also on that note, like we are answering it to a class full of like 20 young people, whereas parents and caregivers listening to the podcast are probably having one-on-one conversations with a child that they know.

So not only are we talking to a bunch of young people, we're talking to someone we don't know and we don't have any context. So we can't ask any follow up questions to the asker, which is what you would want to do really, if you have a sticky question as a parent and a caregiver, you would wanna know like, oh, where did you hear that?

And like, what makes you think that that might be the case? Is that something that you're thinking about? But we can't do any of that. We just have to go, okay, I'm gonna assume this is what you mean. Here's, here's the possible answer.

[00:32:11] Maddy Stratten: Mm. Yeah. The language behind it too, isn't it? Of like how you could answer that question, and then if you're the parent or caregiver and you do have the opportunity to have a bit more back and forth, it can only just expand from that. But you've got the language 'cause you've listened to the episode and you're like, yes. I, I'm feeling confident that I'll be able to answer that question if, if a child that I know asks me that

[00:32:35] Adie: that's the plan,

[00:32:36] Tom Duff: part of the format, uh, that we decided on or that ad brought to the initial proposal.

[00:32:43] Adie: You can take some credit. That's fine.

[00:32:44] Tom Duff: Yeah. Great. Well, part of the plan was, uh, the initial answer in the episode would be given in a way that a young person could understand it and they could make sense of what was being said, a clear, short answer they can take away. And then the second portion of what we call the deep dive is a broader discussion, drawing on the specialty and the expertise that Adie and I have in this area so that an adult can give those more nuanced answers as the question, you know, morphs with their young person.

So that they're not just repeating verbatim what we say, but they're understanding the drivers and the context and the considerations on the legal side. Um, so it is as much an upskill for them as it is developing their capacity to upskill, their young people and, and support their young people, which I just love.

I think that is, it's something I really am proud of in the podcast, is that it is, um, caring and considerate in the way that we've developed it. So a little shout out to us. I don't know.

[00:33:47] Winnie Adamson: Absolutely. And very approachable. Hmm.

[00:33:50] Tom Duff: Yeah, that

[00:33:50] Winnie Adamson: too. Yeah.

[00:33:51] Tom Duff: I think that's critical.

[00:33:53] Adie: Mm. Well Tom's approachable. I'm very intimidating.

[00:33:59] Maddy Stratten: Wouldn't say that at all.

[00:34:00] Tom Duff: There's a reason I was brought onto the project until I thought I take off some of the sharp edges.

[00:34:07] Winnie Adamson: Um, what are some of the most popular episodes, what are the most listened to episodes?

[00:34:13] Tom Duff: Season one is far and above our most popular so far as far as people listening to it.

The most downloaded episode was season one, episode nine, which was, if you accidentally assault someone, how do you help them? Um, which not only did we love answering that, but that is one of our favorite questions to get in our classes because that to us indicates that a young person has listened, has taken on the information, has self-reflected, and is now seeking to do good in their community, which is just.

That's really the, the best kind of outcome. Uh, the next one down was episode eight, which was, uh, what do you do if you're getting weird vibes from a guy in the street and you can't do anything? And so really speaking through that, like the, the way that the body communicates, a feeling of being unsafe and what supports there are and, and how we can be assertive in, in, you know, standing up for ourselves and asserting boundaries.

Uh, and then season one, episode one, a classic. Is it okay to get turned on by cartoons? We thought we'd, um, come outta the gates, really with a strong kind of punchy episode title. Uh, we had, do your parents need consent to clip your toenails? Uh, that, that was one of my favorite to do because I remember as a younger man watching on the news, uh, some person being interviewed about how they would practice consent with their toddler when they were changing their nappy. And I remember at the time being like, that's ridiculous. How stupid is that? Yada, yada, yada. It's this, you know, woke leftist, liberal, yada, yada, just decrying it completely. And then coming into this job and realizing that that person was role modeling the value of consent for their young person.

It wasn't about having an intellectual discussion with consent, with your toddler, missed the point I did. Uh, that was about ensuring that as that young person grows up, consent is a regular, normal part of conversation. And that they can expect that if an adult is engaging with their body for whatever reason, a doctor, parents, et cetera, that they will be included in that discussion and that their feelings and their choice matters.

Um, and yeah, it was, it was reassuring to realize that there had been a bit of a full circle there for me, of coming back to a very similar topic and going, I get it now. I understand the value of what this is about. And then the fifth most popular was, what is sex? Just a straightforward run of the mill classic. .

[00:36:45] Adie: Those are the top five podcast episodes. But we've digitized all of last year's, um, anonymous questions from all classes have been digitized and analyzed.

And so we have a thematic analysis. I think. Um, body, sex and puberty is the top category,

[00:37:01] Maddy Stratten: right?

[00:37:03] Adie: Um, and then like consent or maybe legal is the next one.

[00:37:08] Tom Duff: Anecdotally, I do feel like those legal, what about X, Y, Z situation? Is this okay? Is this wrong?

Yeah. What is this? Yeah, those are very, very popular.

[00:37:18] Maddy Stratten: Mm. And kind of not surprising either, and quite telling to be, um, kind of across what young people are actually wanting to.

[00:37:29] Adie: Well, it's not surprising because the law, um, because people don't follow the law. Like, because what the law says about sexual consent isn't role modeled anywhere.

And like for a very, um, obvious example, the law says that someone has to be sober to legally be able to consent to sex and people get drunk and hook up. Like that's what we do in our western culture. So of course kids are like, what do you mean it's illegal? People do that all the time.

[00:38:02] Winnie Adamson: Yeah. The legal definitions and the practice definitions are two completely different things.

[00:38:07] Adie: Totally different things. Yeah.

[00:38:09] Winnie Adamson: And it's hard to understand that when you are probably a young person with so many things coming at you in different areas. Not really. It's hard to understand that

[00:38:16] Adie: when you're an adult.

[00:38:18] Winnie Adamson: Yeah, true. Last time I checked, I'm an adult and I still, I'm figuring it out.

[00:38:26] Tom Duff: That for me really validates and reinforces the, the value of teaching consent in terms of this is about really safe, meaningful intimacy. This is not just the legal side of it, because if it's just taught in terms of a legal framework, young people, adults, whoever are looking at in terms of how far can I go before I've broken the law, versus by practicing consent, I'm practicing empathy, I'm creating safety, I'm creating connection, giving space for myself to feel awkward and silly.

And there is this really wonderful human, uh, component to that we're building by practicing consent versus avoiding the law by going so far but not further. I think that's been a real shift for us, particularly in the last two years, to make sure that our content is focusing on consent as a vehicle for safe human connection versus a legal framework that we're, you know, standing over you watching and waiting for you to mess up.

[00:39:26] Winnie Adamson: Yeah, absolutely. Um, move on we'd actually love to hear what is your approach to how you tackle answering a question?

[00:39:35] Tom Duff: Uh, can I start with this one, Adie

[00:39:37] Adie: please? I love to.

[00:39:39] Tom Duff: Uh, I have Adie's voice in my head.

I answer the question as if I'm Adie and the best answer that I can produce comes out. And now that's over to you. Adie

[00:39:48] Adie: Thank you for just putting me on that impossible pedestal to follow up on. Um, so Peter, my mentor, he said, just answer the question that's in front of you. Like, don't over complicate it.

Just take that question at face value. Don't make any assumptions and just answer that question. And if there's more questions after that, they will be asked. So like short example. A young kid asked, what is sex? You don't need to go into a big tirade about the ins and outs of the mechanics, the ins and outs.

Oh my God, I can't believe I just said that on a recorded podcast.

[00:40:33] Maddy Stratten: In the

[00:40:33] Adie: podcast.

[00:40:36] Tom Duff: Yeah.

[00:40:38] Adie: It had to happen at least once. That's classic Adie So yeah, you don't need to describe the intricate mechanics of sex. It's a form of intimacy for adults. That's it. And then if a young child has other questions, then they will ask them and you'll know like, oh, well someone's been talking to them about that, and that's true, or that's not true actually.

You know, so you don't need to panic. Just ask, answer the question in front of you. So that's where I sort of came from doing this in schools, um, and helping other educators. Talk to young people and answer their questions. Um, I realized that what I was doing in sort of the longer form was validating, educating, and reiterating.

So those are the three things that I think about with any question, validate, educate, reiterate. So the validation is questions like this are hard to ask. They're tricky. It can be scary and uncomfortable for a young person to ask a question like this. So we wanna just validate them and go, yes, it's really great that you asked this question.

I want you to be asking me these questions. That's great. So very often in a class, it's just us saying, oh, good question. That's it. And then educate. That's where we answer the question, like, provide the information that is asked of us. This is the answer to your question. And then we just wanna reiterate, like for us as educators, that's tying it back into a concept that we've covered in the class and just sort of reiterating, yeah, this is consent, this is what we've been talking about.

Actually, this is a practical application of what we've been talking about. Um, if you're a parent or a care caregiver, the reiterate might be like, I'm really happy that you asked me this question. I'm always happy to answer these questions from you. Or the reiterate for a school teacher might be like, um, that's really great.

You've demonstrated one of the school values by asking me this question. Good job. You know, so yeah. Validate, educate, reiterate, are sort of the three components of how we answer a sticky question.

[00:42:45] Maddy Stratten: Yeah, that's so great and great to have that in your mind when the question comes. So you're not kind of put on the spot, thrown off, .

Mm-hmm. Um, what we thought we could do, um, get you to answer a question, how you would do it on the podcast? Um, we went straight to the source. We went to Instagram, asked our followers. Uh, we also, uh, checked in with a couple of colleagues as well, uh, to get a question that they would want answered by Sticky Q's on the podcast.

So I've got three questions. I think we probably only have time to answer one. I did send them to you earlier. So is there one that you really felt? Just tell me a number and I'll read that number out

[00:43:27] Tom Duff: Um, I think the number one,

[00:43:31] Maddy Stratten: Okay, great. So the question is, I noticed my friend is inappropriate to someone. I think they have assaulted them. What do I do?

[00:43:41] Adie: Well, first of all, the validation would be that's great that you're noticing this stuff is going on. It shows that you are caring for your friends and your, and the people around you. And like it's awesome that you're that attentive and that you want to do something about that. That would be my validation.

Tom, you wanna do some education?

[00:44:01] Tom Duff: Yeah, the education would be walking them through their options. So saying things like if you felt safe talking to your friend about what you've noticed, you could speak to them, uh, using I statements. Assuming that we've gotten this question in a class, I'd be kind of going back over some of the content that we've taught and say, maybe you could be bringing up the things that you've learn in these classes that have made you realize that what they're doing is not okay or has potentially hurt someone.

And that you might be able to bring that up with them and say, I've learnt these things. What do you reckon? Is this happening in the relationship? Is it not? Um, so yeah, if you felt safe, talk to them about it. If you didn't, uh, it'd be finding a safe adult, someone that you trust, someone that's in a position of authority.

Um, and then also offering them access to the support services, uh, the numbers websites, contact details so that if they felt that it was serious, they could get real, you know, assertive support in that.

[00:45:00] Adie: I think that could be done indirectly as well. Like if someone didn't feel comfortable going to their friends and, and saying like, I've noticed that this seems to be the case of what's specifically going on for you. Like Tom said, you could talk about, you know, oh, I went to the care program at school and they were talking about this, and I thought that was so interesting. And I thought like, what a great idea to do this within a relationship, or this is something that I never thought about.

And just having those conversations with your friend could start some self-reflection. I also noticed, um, you used the term call out. Which I think call in is a nicer way to think about it, is like, I don't wanna put you on the spot and shame you. I want to call you into this conversation and I wanna discuss this with you because I care about you.

And this is also the I statements that Tom was talking about as like with any confrontational or potentially confrontational conversation, we wanna be using I statements. So we're, we're framing our. Our own experience center, we are not putting something on someone else. So saying I've, I think this is a really interesting concept that I never thought about before.

Um, I noticed like you might be having a hard time with that or like, oh, I noticed that person spoke to you a little bit weird the other day. Like, do you wanna talk about that? Those kind of things. And then, yeah, the reiteration, as Tom said, like going back to remember the support services that there are professionals whose job it is that can help with this kind of thing.

And, and adults also. Um, if you trust an adult to talk to a, probably really great to talk to about that. And again, like thanks so much for asking the question.

[00:46:45] Tom Duff: I think part of my validation would also be acknowledging that the fact they, this question asker has noticed this. And is concerned is part of the cultural societal change that we're actually hoping for, that people do notice and go, oh, I'm not sure about this.

What can I do? And just saying, good on you. You're like, you're part of really meaningful change.

[00:47:07] Adie: One thing I realized that we haven't talked about today, which we always talk about on the podcast is shame. We're always going on about how shame is, what do you say, shame's a

[00:47:20] Tom Duff: dead weight. That's it.

[00:47:21] Adie: Shame's a dead weight.

[00:47:23] Tom Duff: Shame's a dead weight.

[00:47:24] Adie: Yeah. Like nothing shuts people down faster than shame. So we really, really have to avoid that at all costs. And I guess particularly for some more challenging questions or statements or things, you know, 'cause we do get those as well, like young people that have problematic attitudes that are either intentionally trying to, um, cause a stir or they're coming from a place that they don't really understand what they're saying or they're sort of performing that.

Um, I think there's still space for that validation, which is. Um, I can see why you think that. I can see, you know, I can understand that you might have heard those things said around other places and why you might even think that that's funny or okay, but here's why it's not and here's why this is actually doing you a disservice as well.

Um, and reiterating like, so yeah, like if you want to have positive, happy, connective, intimate, supportive relationships, then the way that that's gonna happen is through respectful language and communication. And that might feel really, really hard and really, really vulnerable, but it's actually really important if you want to live a happy, healthy, positive life.

[00:48:48] Maddy Stratten: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, that's a great way of, I guess, framing. The answer of the question in those and, and being able to hear how you would actually go about using that framework to answer a question like that, which I'm sure there's many more questions that are a various ranges of tricky, sticky type of questions.

So thanks for, um, for doing that for us in this episode. Um, yes, we don't have time to go through the other two questions, but that was a great one to start with. Um, oh, we can do them so short though. Did you want to Yeah, go. We'll be super fast. Five

[00:49:27] Tom Duff: minutes, Adie.

[00:49:28] Maddy Stratten: Okay. We'll be, we got five minutes challenge, five minutes over.

We'll go five minutes over. Okay. The second question was, I get turned on by gay porn. Does that mean I'm gay?

[00:49:38] Adie: Great question. Not necessarily. Everyone's into different things and it's something that you would discover and as you come into your sexuality, if and when you're ready.

[00:49:48] Maddy Stratten: My goodness. That's so good. Okay, third question. I think this

[00:49:52] Tom Duff: is, this is to spite me. Now I can tell you this.

[00:49:55] Maddy Stratten: I love this so much. Okay, third question. I think I'm feeling ready to have sex for the first time. What's expected of me? Should I shave? Should I have the lights on, off, et cetera.

[00:50:09] Tom Duff: There is a lot of pressure when it comes to the first time being sexually intimate with someone.

In the end, what matters is you are choosing the things that you feel safe and comfortable with. Uh, if you are feeling pressure from the internet, friends, et cetera, you get to make a choice. It's not right or wrong to have the lights on, to shave, et cetera. That is your call. But as long as you are feeling safe and comfortable and that your partner's respecting whatever your choices are, that's what we're aiming for.

If you feel like that's not gonna happen, that's a good chance to talk to someone you feel safe with or that you can trust, um, about making sure that you are not being pressured into that experience. So

[00:50:45] Adie: in summary, you don't have to, if you want to and whatever you want, talk to your partner.

[00:50:51] Tom Duff: Just had to upstage me there Adie happy. Happy.

[00:50:55] Maddy Stratten: Of course. Thank you. Thank you so much. I feel like we've covered so much in this episode, and I know an hour probably feels a lot longer than the usual 20 minutes Sticky Q's episode. So thank you so much for, um, sharing your time and your insight into, um, podcasting and, um, young people and sticky questions.

So, um, thanks for that. Is there anything that you'd like to leave our listeners with? Any final thoughts?

[00:51:22] Adie: go Tom, I feel like you are the wise one.

[00:51:26] Tom Duff: I just think one of the, one of the things I really love communicating to people, as Adie said, consent is a practice skillset. And I was saying in classes yesterday, someone asked, oh, it makes me feel awkward. What do I do? Let awkwardness be a part of it, let consent be a vehicle that builds connection and closeness and safety. Um, more people, I believe, actually want to trust than, than social media And, you know, leads us to believe and consent is a wonderful vehicle for meaningful intimacy. Get about it.

[00:52:01] Jen Farinella: Thanks for listening to On The Couch. We create this podcast because we are allies in actively challenging discrimination, microaggressions and exclusionary behaviors. We want to create spaces where people feel safe to share their thoughts, knowing they will be heard and respected. Such an environment fosters collaboration, innovation, and contributes to a more inclusive society.

We invite you to subscribe or follow us in your favorite podcast platform. That way you'll receive every new episode when it's released. To help us grow the podcast, give us a rating and leave us a review. We'd really appreciate it. Connect with us on Instagram and Facebook where you can share on the couch with your colleagues, friends, and family On The Couch is made by Jennifer Farinella, Naomi Viret, Maddy Stratten and Winnie Adamson.

Until next time, peace, love, and protection.